i might as well talk about my cats all the time because that's all i seem to have going on in my life. every time i turn around there's some cat drama or other.
the latest cat drama is the litter. just ugh! right?
i was so excited to be able to train a cat to use the toilet. it was going to be magical. i finally had a cat, now i can potty-train him. and he did remarkably well! for a cat. he was reluctant, and we had some problems getting him to stand on the seat, but progress was being made and i still had hope. we started with d.i.y. lasagna pans, graduated to a litter quitter, and were so close to the end. then we got zoot and she was WAY too little to be using a toilet, so we had to get her a box... which conchord promptly claimed as his too. le sigh.
funny story: we put the box in the bathroom to keep the toilet training thing on the horizon, but she was so itty bitty that a trek to the bathroom was akin to hiking the p.c.t. for this baby cat,
memmer the itty bitty? d'awwwwwww
so we had to move the box to the living room or she would pee on the bed. i don't know why she preferred to pee on the bed, but she did and it wasn't okay. she would play play play WAITGOTTAPEE!! peeeeeeeeeeee OKAY play play play play... wait, i'm all wet *looks at us with the cutest distressed look in her eyes* mamma halp?
anyway, we decided to go with wood pellets because they're better for everyone and the planet and everything everywhere. we got sifting litter boxes to sift down the saw dust, leaving the unsoiled pellets ready for more. it was pretty great. especially when we were feeding them only raw meat. they only pooped once a week; it didn't smell; life was good.
enter the new diet. we had to go to kibble kitten food to help zoot's arm, which conchord wouldn't stay out of, so now they're both pooping at least once per day each. which was somewhat annoying for the litter box daily care, but wasn't the worst. until conchord decided he didn't want to poop on the pellets anymore. we don't know why exactly, but perhaps the extra pooping made it more annoying for him to put up with the pellets somehow? dunno. all i know is homeboy was pooping two or three times per day, everyfuckinwhere but the litter box. mostly in unoccupied spaces against a wall on the carpet. almost always on a power cord, gross.
so, we changed over to disgusting a.f. clumping litter.
that shit is not okay. not even a little bit. like, what the fuck. we did everything to make our clumping litter experience as tolerable as possible to no avail. the smell of the odor control litter was awful. the smell of the non odor control litter was awful. the clumps were always stuck to the sides and making the box awful. adding liners to the box was awful. the tracking, woahfuck the tracking, awful. INMYBEDWHEREISLEEPFORFUCKSAKE!!!!!!!! how do the crazy cat ladies do it?
anywho, then i had the brilliant idea to take those rubbermaid storage bins, big ones, cut a hold in one side, put the litter box on the other side, put a litter tracking mat in between and hope for the best. that significantly reduced the tracking and helped contain the smell to a manageable area. then conchord was peeing down the side wall of the container instead of in the box which would go under the box and make a huge mess.
but a dollar store flexible cutting board propped against the wall sitting in the litter solved that problem. my boyfriend is smarter than your honor roll student (tm).
i was complaining about all of this to the crazy-cat-lady-in-training who removes hair from my ass crack for a living because she's a saint, and she told me about how much she loves using crystal cat litter ANDSAVEDMYLIFEYOUGUYS! llpause for shout out: if you're in the portland area, (some of you are, i gotz the demographic data pouring into my google box) please check out audra siren's little business wax downtown. she is my spirit animal... and is, just, lovely.
i went online and researched the crystal litter, found nature's miracle had the best one (obvi), and got all ready to order... when i found the most amazing thing on this planet youguys! nature's miracle makes reasonably priced, 100% recycled, infused with baking soda, disposable litter boxes...
i ordered the crystals and the disposable boxes. the magic is the crystals absorb the pee so there's no smell, and they absorb the liquid from the poop, so there's no smell, and they're super easy to scoop. you scoop the poop and stir the crystals so they're evenly coated until you can smell the ammonia urine smell, then you throw the whole thing out and put a fresh one. this lasts for four to six weeks depending on use. game. changer!
i got it all set up on a saturday. i was so fucking excited. conchord went right in and did his business like nothing was amis... then it was zoot's turn. she was so freaked out about the crystals. they made a weird crunchy noise, they're blue and sparkly, nope, not happening, no.
i started to lose my cool. this was the last straw; this was all i had; this was the hail mary pass; this was it. and she couldn't do it for me. supersmart boyfriend jumps in and tries to calm me down by reminding me that zoot is young and slightly dumb; we can just put out a normal litter box, in the magic disposable box, and slowly add the crystals to the normal litter and she'll never notice. so we did, and it took less than a week, and everything is wonderful.
...for now. until one or both of them decide they don't want to poop on magic crystals anymore. le sigh.
p.s. they're not eating kitten food anymore. we're back on raw food, but the fancy stuff with vitamins and different animal parts, not just the butt. kthxbi.