Thursday, April 2, 2015

march thirty-second

did everyone have a festive april fools' day?

my very first prank attempt on the blog turned out pretty well in my opinion. even j had a moment of panic when he started reading... and he's part of the "we" who is moving, ha!

my mom wasn't happy about my little prank, but i reminded her of the time i woke up on april first to find my whole family getting ready to go to disneyland... without me. the story was that i was going to be dropped off at school instead because i had a test that day. i think i was seven or eight. #scarred4lyf. she says she doesn't remember and blames my dad, which is probably true; he's the prankster. in twenty years, i probably won't remember pulling this prank either. that's why i put it on the internet to preserve forever. (o.m.f. that was twenty years ago)

the best part of that prank, as i remember it, was they got completely ready, everyone loaded in the car, my sister was SO FUCKING EXCITED! to be going to disneyland WITHOUT ME!, 

...then they dropped us both off at school. 

dad, you are absolutely brilliant.

hey, if your kids are going to wind up at therapy for the shit you screw up, might as well throw some funny shit in the mix, amiright? at least they didn't take us to the dentist a-la-the simpsons.

what are some of the more brilliant april fools pranks you've experienced, dealt out, or heard about?

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

we're moving back to california

our stint in portland was fun, but california is where we belong.  i was born in may in the blistering heat and under the sun, not suffocated by clouds and drowning in the rain.  j was born in july in AFRICA! for crying out loud.  the s.a.d. is real and it's getting real annoying.

everything we've built in portland hasn't made up for the loss of family, friends, and the beach. what is this oregon coast bullshit? i want a beach i can wander around on and not have to worry about frost bite. is that too much to ask? and what about being two hours away from san diego, the coolest place ever? seattle doesn't even come close to san diego's awesomeness. trizzust.

don't even get me started on all the disgusting smokers. i thought smoking was over!? every time i try to leave my building, work or home, i have to wade my way through what appears to be a dive bar stuck in 1980. it's horrible; i hate it.

they're opening harry potter world at universal studios hollywood!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have to be there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and have a season pass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NAAAAARGLLLLES!!!!!!!!!!!!

the plan has been in the works for about six months now and everything is set for our departure today, april first. 

oh wait...

did i do it? did i trick you? *happy dance*

Thursday, March 26, 2015

zooterwoot is borked

this fuzzerbucketsnugglepuss managed to break her front, left leg a few weeks ago (we're going to call it an arm to personify).  we've been monitoring her progress, crating her in the day when we're not home, feeding her super special food to help her bone heal faster, and giving her extra kisses to be safe.  they didn't put a cast on it because it wouldn't help based on location and type of break. she needs rest and snuggles.

j was home when it happened, petting conchord in the other room.  they both heard a scuffle and conchord was alarmed, which is rare, and went to investigate while j followed. they found her thrashing about on the floor in the middle of the room, kind of near the closet. we have no idea what she could have been up to in there that would cause a broken bone, but she's definitely banished from that room forever! the cats actually kind of hate that room and mraow at us incessantly until we've gone back into the other room... and gotten on the bed... so they can sit on our lap and/or snuggle under the covers. it's our fault for using our living room as the bedroom and our bed as the couch (maybe a long ago promised apartment tour for context is needed!). oh well.

she started completely unable to get up at all. nothing hurt to the touch, but she couldn't bear weight.   after about three days, she quickly progressed to being able to prop herself up on her back legs. then she added scooting around on her right arm and butt. now she can hobble-walk around and handle her own business in the litter box. 

she was immediately an excellent patient. she allowed us to hold her while she used the litter box, even for pooping. she would ask for help when she needed it, indicating her hunger or need to use the litter box. it was quite easy and ideal, actually. now, she knows that we'll let her out of her crate when we get home in the evenings and after she finishes dinner (she has to eat her dinner in her crate in peace, otherwise conchord shoves his way in front of the bowl), but she seems to understand that she's to spend the day in her crate and is super good about being left there in the mornings.  how i got two cats so easily scheduleable, i'll never know. they come and tell us when it's time for bed even! 

she'll be back to 100% in no time, but living through the possibility of losing her was the most awful thing i've ever experienced in my entire life! 

she and her brother really are my babies, fur and all. when j told me something was wrong with her and that he thought that maybe she'd had a seizure or something, the bubble of panic in my throat was a cauldron boil. when i got home and saw her at least trying to get up even though she was unable, i was optimistic, but terrified. we happened to have to pick up a.j. from the airport that evening (to spend the weekend taking zoot to the vet now), wanted to take her to her vet, and probably couldn't afford emergency vet care anyway.

when the vet was telling us we'd have to crate her for possibly up to a year because her bones needed some work and special food (lesson learned about raw diet for cats, only adult cats!) and that'd be hard on an eleven-month-old kitten who can no longer romp around and play... hinting ever so subtly that we should consider saying goodbye, all i wanted to do was die. we took her home to play the waiting game, to monitor her pain and see how she handled being cared for. when the five-day pain killer should have worn off, she didn't show any signs of pain or distress, she was already trying to walk on it again.  the relief after every mile stone is like a punch of endorphins directly to my face.

as i was getting ready for our trip to the vet, i couldn't help but wallow in sorrow over other people being able to take their broken babies to the hospital and having good health insurance to make them all better, no matter what. even the best pet insurance is super shitty and expensive. believe me, i looked before we even got conchord. the savings account is all i have to protect my babies.

the very most luckiest thing on the planet came from my hlp, laura when she came to visit for my birthday last year. that trip to the beach was facilitated by her boyfriend's high school friend's parent's beach house... who also own and operate a veterinary clinic. thanks to her awesomeness and generosity, i was able to afford finding out my baby had a broken arm. even then, it was still almost $300.  i can't imagine what it would have cost otherwise.

maybe someday, society will respect a woman's right to choose fur babies over her own womb babies. then maybe i can list my babies as dependents and not have to worry about them breaking arms.

Monday, March 23, 2015

the truffle shuffle was involved...

this weekend we hosted a friend from los angeles and got to re-visit some of our favorite places in portland.  j took the day off friday to walk her around downtown and the waterfront.  they saw some abandoned flowers and brought them for me when we met up for lunch.

thursday's commencement of the portland tour seemed to center around the strip clubs of portland, because there are many of them... so many, in fact, two of them are completely vegan.  then there's the one connected to the bathroom of a delicious mexican restaurant that we went to for lunch on friday.  is it still a mexican restaurant if grizzly, tattooed, white guys are the only people working there? 

i got off work, hung out with this little fluffers for a bit, then we headed out for some more night life.

many of the trendy bars in town have a photo booth for some reason. it's always fun to swath yourself in nostalgia, but these booth owners are getting away with robbery.

saturday we headed to the coast to show her what it's like to just look at the waves because it's too freezing to actually get wet. of course, there were children and dogs splashing about because they give no shits about temperature. 

of course, what tour of the oregon coast would be complete without a stop at the goonies house. it's occupied, so no tour or anything. you just walk up the front drive and take pictures of someone's house like a creeper.

more hi-jinx planned for this monday evening, then she leaves tomorrow. it's super fun to have friends come visit, but there's so much to show them!  how are you supposed to do TWO vegan strip clubs, all the amazing restaurants, the waterfront, powell's, hikes bikes and trains, AND sleep in five days? le tired.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

ten, TEN! digits this year


merry 3/14/15 at 9:26:53 a.m. everyone! 
quite the momentous occasion with the addition of the 1592653 this year. 2015 is the best!
celebrate by stuffing yourself with some homophone...

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

confession or pro tip?

sometimes, when i'm feeling overwhelmed, i put things on the to-do list that i just did so i can have something to cross off. these are my "coping skills".

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

happy tootsday!

i just had the most epic, unexpected flatulence in the bathroom.  it caught me off guard, which made me laugh, which turned into the giggles... and of course there was another person in there. 

in keeping with my refusal to be embarrassed about what happens in the work bathroom, i made sure to time my exit with hers and confront her about it. we both had a good laugh and she shared an adorable story about her daughter's singing habit in the bathroom, which kept my giggles going. you know that really deeply therapeutic laughter that you feel in your bones? what a wonderful tootsday morning boost.