Abby Someone

...Normal. Abby Normal.

After 10 months of copper I.U.D. use, it is quite obvious my insides are hyper sensitive to any reproductive tampering. My experience with the I.U.D. has been a nightmare flash back to the days of The Pill, unfortunately. It wasn't too bad at first, just those nasty extra bad cramps they warn you about. Then the fall came and the weepy started to creep up, getting worse over the holidays... but I ignored the warning signs, blaming it all on the dreary weather and putting up with jesusmas. Each cycle brings worse and worse symptoms and I'm now to the point where it never goes back to 100% normal. Sorry about the recent silence. I was too emo and didn't want to throw any red flags up on the interweb, lest I get myself thrown into a rubber room.

I would have gotten it removed sooner, but my big move to Culver City inspired me to move my doctor finally too, which is its own special nightmare and I've been dragging my feet through the hoop jumping. My family doctor is a nice man who administered my annual sinus infection z-pack prescription without a visit every time, but a.) his office is 40ish miles from my house now, b.) he's kind of a religious wackadoodle who tried to get my vote for Romney and therefore clearly doesn't care about my vagina as much as he should, and c.) I should probably have a big girl doctor now anyway. Weird new doctor situations and extreme hormone fluctuation induced anxiety (just like before) have hindered my freedom. With the help of my wonderful and supportive Jacques, I was able to sort all the bullshit and get an appointment for tomorrow.  Everyone online says the removal is a breeze and nothing like the awful of the insertion. *crosses fingers*

What's next? fertility tracking, condoms, and creativity for now. As soon as I get on some magical list to see my new doctor, she and I can discuss my options then. I dug and dug and researched and dug and found a doctor that seems to have a way with pill matching that has changed many lives on yelp, so she may be able to find a concoction that can help me keep invaders out of my uterus AND keep me sane, not holding my breath, but wish me luck!

Happy Mother's Day

Love to the mommies... especially mine.

Pretty as a Picture

"There are some who call me...

....

....

... Tim?"

"What hump?"

"D-D-D-D-D-Don't say the 'b' word!"

“Never forget who you are, for surely the world won’t. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.” 

thank you sir mike of mitchell, thank you thank you thank you!

Safety First!

Pilates, Biking, Running, Hiking, and Swimming are my favorite ways to move my body. All of them are dangerous. Yes, even Pilates is dangerous and should never be taken for granted. Have you seen our equipment?

That shit is not for fun and games. Trizzust.

That's why, whenever I move my body, I make sure I'm wearing my Road ID. 

It's a snazzy band with all the important information like my blood type and my parents' cell numbers... 

Seriously though, you always think nothing bad is going to happen to you, then it does and you're not prepared. It's the little details that can mean life or death in a lot of situations. Why not wear a pretty purple band with those details in plain sight for the nice EMTs who are trying to save your life? Bonus! They give you an extra line of characters so you can add a little quote or mantra, for funzies. If you're one with a medical history, they offer a subscription service so you can list in detail all the fun things an EMT should know about. They have all different materials, types, colors, accessories, etc.

SEEEAARRIOUSLY! go get one, now!

Mattress Masseuse

You ever have one of those moments of inspiration that quickly evaporates into whiny desire for a product to simplify your life? Google! BAM! Exists! Life simplified:

Sensual, at home massages from your loved one are no longer half wondrous half asphyxiation and/or neck tweaking torture. A kick-starter, turned Bed Bath & Beyond find of your life, the Mattress Masseuse is that far away dream come true. It exasperates me to think back on all the times I wanted this to be real.

Unfortunately, there is going to be a gap between it being available online and going up on BB&B shelves, so I thought I'd jump on the opportunity to let you know about it before I actually get mine to review. It couldn't be a complete disaster... right?

The deets from the geniuses behind this gloriousness:

• We'll be shipping our first products to Kickstarter and web customers in June.
• We plan to accept web orders through the end of June; after that, it's going to be 100% wholesale.
• Bed Bath & Beyond is interested in testing the product, in addition to a couple other chains.
• We're super excited and hope to see Mattress Masseuse on shelves across the country in time for Christmas!

Check back here in June for my "review". (No, they're not sending me a free one to review for you, pfshshshchyeah, right.)

MOAR SHEETZ PLZ!

Three Sheets... where to begin...

Yup.

Unfortunately, none of the major networks will allow such a wonderful show because the sponsors don't want to support fun things like drinking. Zane and his team were able to survive on subscription networks like MoJo and FLN for almost a decade, but those networks don't last and provide heinous budget obstacles to boot. 

Finally, we've reached a point in time where those networks and their bullshittery aren't the only option. We have the glorious interwebz to enjoy such fine entertainment... and Zane is trying to bring it to us, again.

pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease!

Spoiler Alert!

In case you haven't caught up from last year's Cinco de Mayo post, there are spoilers in this year's...

Don't forget, Cinco de Mayo is the celebration of The Day of the Battle of Puebla

NOT Mexican Independence Day.

That's a whole separate day of drinking.

Let's not cheat ourselves, now.

P.S. Happy Birthday! to my big sis. Love you lots and hope your day is super duper special! MWUAH!